What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
