A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
