you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize