Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
