is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
