the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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