It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
