ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
and she was petting her beer can
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
