you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
