I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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