i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
