I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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