its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
