Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
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He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
you had me at cake vodka
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
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She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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