I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
