My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Randomize
