The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
