I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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