I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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