what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
