Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
