i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
