My sheets look like a crime scene.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
