Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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