She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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