when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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