I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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