I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
