She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
