So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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