You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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