I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
