Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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