So drunk its hurt
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
