I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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