i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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