i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
