Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
