He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
His hands were made for my vagina.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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