I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!