i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian