So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
