im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off