Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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