Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.