I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
