Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
