1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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