When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
