return my video game
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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