Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
