You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize