i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
