party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
