I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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