$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
