what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
