Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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