OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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