dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
