Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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