it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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