my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
