Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
im six kinds of drunk right now
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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