And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
