did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
ugly people sure do ruin things
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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