you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
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My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
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I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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