I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
