why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
