Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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