I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
