my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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