Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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