my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
