I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
