ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Sext me about skeletons
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