So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
