; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
