it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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