Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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