I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
