What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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