Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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