I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
