So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
